


His Regret (Standalone)

by FenMelava (missara), missara



Series: The Dread Wolf [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Lavellan is pissed off, Lost Love, Love/Hate, POV Solas, Post-Canon, Regret, Solas Regrets, Solas is an Egg, Solas wins, Solavellan, Solavellan Feels, The Author Regrets Nothing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-28
Updated: 2015-12-28
Packaged: 2018-05-10 00:51:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5562433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missara/pseuds/FenMelava, https://archiveofourown.org/users/missara/pseuds/missara
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Solas regrets everything but it is too late now. Now, he is alone and she hates him for what he has done, what he has caused. And there is no way for him to redeem himself.<br/>He may have won the Battle but he lost the War.</p>
            </blockquote>





	His Regret (Standalone)

**Author's Note:**

> ***WARNING****  
> Extremely sad. I cried while writing it...so read at your own behest.  
> Too many Solavellan feels...  
> ugh i am so sorry.  
> Also, if you're interested in this story, check out The Dread Wolf's Secret, which is also a part of my series The Dread Wolf :)  
> Mainly a bunch of standalone fics where Solas & Lavellan send missives to one another

The porcelain shattered from the impact and he flinched as the pieces scattered across the floor. “Messere?”

He took a deep breath, trying to relax himself. “What?” He snapped, a little too harshly he realized as the messenger scurried to his desk, dropping the letter on the wooden surface and fled the room; probably a misplaced fear that he would turn them into stone.

He snatched the message from the desk, carefully avoiding the jagged shards that would easily cut up the soles of his feet. He recognizes the seal almost immediately and his grip immediately loosens on the piece of parchment. It falls to the ground amongst the broken pieces of pottery and he stumbles back.

What trickery was this?

She had died. He had watched her die.

He had been the one to drive the dagger through her heart.

He blinked rapidly trying to hinder the tears that threatened to escape. His foolish notion to save the People had caused him to lose the first woman he had ever loved unconditionally. He had realized, after a time that Elvhenan would not be the same as he remembered; that Arlathan could not be created as it used to be. He had destroyed one world to create another that was a less than perfect mirage of what he remembered.

His pain subsided, replaced with curiosity. What was in that letter? Could it be one of his many enemies playing a trick on him?

He had too many enemies to count them with his fingers. However, he could not think of any that would play such a cruel joke; let alone any that would have known about his feelings for the former Inquisitor.

He picked up the letter, brushing off the glass dust as his slender fingers thumbed underneath the envelope tab, wiggling it gently from the envelope.

He took out the letter, unfolding it, hands trembling as cursive writing began to reveal itself on the parchment.

_Dread Wolf,_

_It seems that in all your efforts to quiet your enemies, you have miscalculated. You and are I alike, you see, as we are both connected. Not by fate, but mere choice. If you recall, I drank from the Vir’abelasan._

His eyes widen at the implication. How had she survived? He watched the life drain out of her. He carried her back to the doorstep of Skyhold, where he left her for the Inquisition to find, not knowing what to do with her body. Not thinking he had the right to make that decision.

He looked down at the letter, wanting – no, needing to know more.

_You killed Mythal. Her essence absorbed into you._

He tsked softly. After all this time, she still believed he had murdered the very person he had done all this for.

_Now, the Vir’abelasan speaks to me. Your thoughts are not truly your own, no, not anymore. You see, they told me of your plan to assassinate me. It’s quite ironic, I think. The man whose greatest fear is to be alone would murder the one person who would stand by him in life and death, who would never leave him to his own devices, all so he could right his wrongs. Nevertheless, here we are. You failed. I was able to prepare myself for when you drove that dagger through my heart. Or at least you think you did._

How had she been able to design something so powerful and he did not detect it?

_You’re probably wondering how. Of course you are; it is in your nature. Needless to say, Dagna sends you her regards. She was excited when I returned, or when you so graciously dropped me off like the garbage you must think I am. Just know Solas, your chance at redemption is long gone. I will not see you completely destroy the world to see your fantasy built. The humans are growing stronger. They look to me more with every passing moment. With the war against Par Vollen over, we will not remain sated forever._

_You will pay for those you murdered. Cassandra, Iron Bull, Varric, Dorian, Sera, Blackwall. Shall I go on? You murdered Cole. And you were his friend._

He snapped, letting out a ferocious growl and tore the letter up into shreds. She had made him kill her! If he remained a spirit like he so adamantly stated, he would still be here!

There was a light rap on the door and he took a deep breath, composing himself.  It would not do well if he appeared unkempt in front of those he commanded.

“Ser?” It was another nameless elf, another one who did not remember the days of the old.

Had he truly sacrificed everything he had held dear for this? He swallowed but the lump in his throat did not go away. “Tell the commander to ready our forces,” he tells the elf.

“Yes, ser. Right away,” the elf bows slightly and disappears, leaving him alone, once again.

Alone. All this time he had tried to rebuild Elvhenan so he wouldn’t be alone anymore. Instead, he had isolated himself from everyone that truly cared about him; that he cared about.

And in doing so, he had left her alone too.


End file.
